Monday, October 21, 2013

Lets Go Back to the Beginning

Do any of you think that nothing is a coincidence ....Do you think certain things happen for a reason.. for example we hear something or we see something that we need at that particular time in our life and it makes what we are struggling with so much clearer and easier to maneuver through ...With that being said read on and let me know just a coincidence or a message

I have been struggling so much here lately with my life, pain and depression ...It seems like a constant battle .... My weight problem is soaring out of control and I feel like emotionally I am right back where I was 12 years ago .......

When I was packing to return to Canada just 2 years ago I was so excited and had so many images in my mind of what being back close to family would be like ...Well that was then and now its reality ....Life wasn't like the families are on TV or even some of the families I had been around in the last 12 yrs .... No one wanted to come over for tea or even try to truly get to know me and my new life ... Family get-togethers are more madness than magic for me ...I don't fit in so going to one is like being forced to perform for millions despite severe state fright .....

So what do you do when reality drops by ....You can do as I done ...You can withdraw deeper into yourself  while the rest of the world just remains the same .... You decide you don't need any contact with anyone and punish yourself and those who truly love you by sinking deeper and deeper into depression  or if your lucky you can watch one of your favorite TV shows and hear something that really strikes home

 I was watching my recording of Grey's Anatomy this morning and all the thoughts that I wrote about above where racing through my mind but the main thought was .... I was the one left with nothing at all while the rest of the world moved on and then I heard the following quote on the TV and I had to keep rewinding while I added it to my tablet notes because I knew it was something important that I needed to hear and understand .... This is what I heard

''What if your focus splits ...What if you can't be all in .... Are you left with nothing at all
... Maybe you just need to find a different path .... Here is what's horrifying.... What if you can't give 100 % .... Maybe you just need to go back to the beginning and start all over again''

What I heard struck me like a brick wall and it forced me to stop and think about me and my world and my marriage and my home and my children and their families and people who I truly care about and I know they truly care about me .....  It was all about taking back my life and controlling who I let be a part of it .... Life is far too short to not try and make it the best you can possibly make it  ..... Remove the madness from your life and replace it with magic ..... Go back to the beginning  and start over you may have lost some time but you don't have to keep losing it on silliness

Changes never comes over night when something has been broken into tiny pieces it takes patience, time and hard work to get it back to usefulness again

2 comments:

  1. So much truth in what you have written. Thanks for sharing :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kath,

    You are strong, to just be where you are you have shown the world how strong you are but do you recognise this in yourself? I am now up to date with your posts and I feel stringer for knowing (!) you! I can draw on your experiences.

    I have written war and peace twice now and it keeps getting erased so I shall email

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