Saturday, April 7, 2012

All Over the Place !!!!!

I'm not sure if you noticed or not but I have been all over the place with this blog since starting in and never quite finding that place where I can say yes this is what I feel good blogging about ...I'm not even sure how many of you have kinda got tired and never check in here anymore ......I'm struggling so much lately and sometimes the thoughts running through my head are so many I just throw my hands up and give up on everything ....I have been diagnosed in the past with AADD (Adult Attention Deficit Disorder) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).... Now trying combining the two of those into a normal life and what do you get ?... I'm not sure what you get I'm still trying to get that normal life !
 I swear sometimes I'm just like a spoiled little kid I want to get in shape but I don't want to exercise ....I want to lose weight but I want to eat everything ....I want to be happy but still use the past as an excuse to be miserable..... I want to be a better person but yet get so annoyed at all the stupid people I'm surrounded by or so I think .......I want to have a book published but can't be disciplined enough to finish it .....I want to stay positive and know if I put good things out then good things will come back but that is so hard to do....Why can't life be more simple ? ......Sometimes I get so tired and weary of people telling me how I am, what I feel and  being compared or judged on how they would react ....Sometimes I feel like my life is a competition and I'm losing .......I wonder sometimes if I am surrounded by people who are very assertive and make everyone feel that way or if I have so many insecurities I take everything personal and get my defense up....Life is more challenging for me now since we moved back to Canada because I am around more people and its just not Mike and I  anymore and I struggle sometimes with wanting that back but then the flip side I complain to Mike how I think that most of my family dislike me because they never come to visit and if any family ever gets to read this please don't take what I'm saying personal these are just my thoughts  that I'm trying to sort out ....

So when I started CastAways of Yesterday I wanted it to be a blog about flea market finds ...Then I made it a little bit personal and now today I have kinda laid it all out there .........I love the name of my blog but I want to change the direction of  where I was going ...First I was going to start a new blog with a new name and go from there but then I thought you know the  name does kinda fit because what is change if its not casting away some yesterdays to move on to a different and hopefully brighter day .......So I hope you will all be patience with me as I stumble around trying to find a new way ...Maybe I need to create a new story for my life as I read in The Power ......
Please  keep checking in on me and if you have any comments or thoughts on what I have blogged today please do ....Maybe something you say will be something I need to hear .........

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